LwEi’s World

I get depressed real easily. Be it a simple error during training, a careless mistake during exams or a slip of tongue during interviews, I’ll dwell over it unnecessarily for prolonged periods of time in which I am pensive and contemplative and generally un-talkable to. Even though I know it’s pointless to go to such an extent, it’s rather futile to prevent or even assuage the situation.

Sometimes when my mind isn’t occupied by the matters at hand, I tend to think back to the times when I made an error or spoke the wrong words and enter a mini state of depression, as observed by close friends who often comment about my sudden change in facial expression and general mood.

The situation is aggravated when I enter into the world of really liking and wanting to know a certain someone. Her every action dictates my emotions and feelings, and a simple act of ignorance or disapproval can leave me contemplating about my possible shortcomings or mistakes for ages.

I guess it’s obvious to others when I think I’ve met that special one, simply because of my extreme mood swings from time to time, my incessant need to talk and discuss about relationship matters and my progress with a certain girl, and my palpable increase in motivation in performing my tasks and in life in general.

I seldom hesitate to initiate new friendships, sometimes to the extent of misleading others that I’m interested in something more. It simply happens that I take too much time considering whether we would be appropriate or whether she takes me as a mere good friend, therefore neglecting the process of communicating to and understanding her better. When I actually decide on pursuing someone, it always occurs that she has evidently lost interest in progressing to the next stage.

It always occurs that the girls I come into close contact with are capable, confident individuals with a clear vision of their future, as well as passionate and proficient in their chosen disciplines. Those obviously come with numerous eligible suitors and to establish a relationship with them definitely requires sufficient interest on their part, for I do not believe that a relationship built on a single party’s effort alone will work out in the end, and rarely go to the steep extent of incessantly pursuing the girl in question.